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crabbycustomer wrote in milliways_bar
Okay. He's done it. It took a lot of work, but he's done it.

Oh, not setting up a Milliways Trollian server, or configuring a pared-down version of the Trollian software. That part was relatively easy. The real mindfuck was composing a suitably multicultural announcement, which he posts on the bulletin board. He had to read it through and revise four times to get all the insults out.

ATTENTION BAR DENIZENS

OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF MY EMPTHY BLADDER I, KARKAT VANTAS, HAVE CHOSEN TO SHARE WITH YOU AN EXTREMELY USEFUL COMMUNICATION UTILITY FROM MY REALITY, SUITABLY PARED DOWN AND SIMPLIFIED FOR EASE OF USE.

IT IS CALLED T MINUS.

IT IS A CHAT CLIENT. IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT A CHAT CLIENT IS, IT IS A SYSTEM FOR LONG-DISTANCE TEXT-BASED COMMUNICATION BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE OVER THE INTERNET. IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE INTERNET IS YOU HAD BETTER COME TALK TO ME PERSONALLY BEFORE YOU OVERWHELM YOURSELF WITH THIS THING. BUT TRUST ME, IT IS PRETTY COOL.

IT SHOULD WORK INTERDIMENSIONALLY, WITHIN MILLIWAYS OR FROM YOUR WORLD TO MILLIWAYS. OR WITHIN YOUR WORLD, I GUESS. UNLESS IT MALFUNCTIONS. IF IT MALFUNCTIONS PLEASE LET ME KNOW SO I CAN GO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THE SERVER WITH A CROWBAR. A MAGICAL CROWBAR THAT FIXES COMPUTER GLITCHES.

RIGHT NOW IT ONLY RUNS ON DEVICES FROM MY WORLD. I AM SUBSIDIZING THESE IF YOU WANT TO GET ONE FROM THE BAR BECAUSE I AM TRYING TO GET A USERBASE STARTED ON THIS THING. IT IS ORGANIC TECHNOLOGY SO PLEASE REMEMBER TO FEED IT, THERE ARE INSTRUCTIONS LOADED ON THE FUCKING THINGS.

OR COME TALK TO ME. I AM THE GREY KID WITH THE HORNS, I AM PRETTY HARD TO MISS.

SINCERELY, KARKAT VANTAS [carcinoGeneticist IN THE PROGRAM]


Yeah that should do it.

The grey kid with the horns is over by the fireplace with his crabtop computer and a really massive black book, waiting to see if anyone even gives a fuck. Under his bravado he is really pretty nervous. He is of course signed in to Trollian.

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Cy sees the note.

Cy is curious. Organic technology...like something out of that show with a living ship and the grumpy cosmonaut. And an interdimensional chat client. How would that even work?

He has to know more!

"Hey, you're Karkat?" He of course pronounces it Car-Cat.

Beep beep meow.

"YEAH THAT'S ME, GREY KID WITH THE HORNS."

He has his best manners on.

Sirona reads the announcement, then comes swanning over, delightedly.

"So it's finished!" she says. "Great news! I'd like a handset, then, where I can sign in with my trolltag."

Beat.

"Unless we get new ones, on this new system."


[[OOC: I shall pile in with my charries that I'd like T-Minus connections for; but I don't want to swamp you, so won't mind at all if we keep the threads brief]]

"OKAY, WELL, I GAVE A HANDSET TO THE BAR SO IT KNOWS HOW TO MAKE THEM NOW, YOU SHOULD BE FINE TO USE IT, YOU ARE NOT AN IDIOT OR A PRIMITIVE CAVEHUMAN."

"I DON'T REALLY KNOW IF YOU WILL GET A NEW TAG, I CAN SIGN INTO THE PROGRAM WITH MINE BUT THE HANDSETS AUTOMATICALLY GENERATE ONE WHEN THEY'RE CREATED. IT MIGHT RECOGNIZE YOU, TROLLIAN IS FULL OF SPOOKY BULLSHIT LIKE THAT."

This sounds very, very interesting, so Urquhart wanders over to the grey-skinned youngster.

"That sounds ingenious," he announces. "Will your system work when the participants are out in some world, too? And how much do you want for it?"

He's actually prepared to shell out quite a lot for such devices for Moist and himself. They'll break even on the very first job.

"IT IS SUPPOSED TO, THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT. BUT ANYTHING TO DO WITH ACCESSING THIS PLACE IS UP TO THE MIRTHFUL MERCILESS GODS OF FATE AND FUCKING YOU OVER, SO, YOU KNOW." He shrugs.

"I AM GIVING THEM AWAY RIGHT NOW, IF YOU DON'T GET A CRITICAL MASS OF PEOPLE USING THIS SHIT IT FADES AWAY TO IRRELEVANCY ALMOST IMMEDIATELY."

"Would that work if I took it to a world and left it there?" Teja asks, approaching ext.

He remembers having talked to the boy before.

"It would work wonderfully if my people had a way of contacting me."

Even though he might end up texting bedtime stories for the children through that; but that is a legitimate use, if not a very trollish one.

"I DON'T KNOW, WORTH A SHOT. IT DEPENDS ON IF THE OPENING BETWEEN YOUR WORLD AND THIS JOINT STAYS OPEN, IF THAT FAILS YOU WILL BE DEPENDING ON WHATEVER INTERNET YOUR WORLD HAS, WHICH PROBABLY WON'T BE GOOD ENOUGH TO REACH HERE."

Karkat is judging your technology level.

"Oh, that sounds so handy!"

A posh lady in a pink sweater embroidered with bats approaches, after having read the sign.

"IT IS, IT IS HANDY AS SHIT," he says. He remembers her, the bizarro reverse vampire.

...Okay, there's probably better things to do than bother the crabbier of the current Milliways trolls, but the chance of a working interdimensional communication system is too much to pass up.

After staring at the notice to make up his mind, Tyler's going to come over to Karkat.

"...okay, you've got my attention on interdimensional communications."

"OKAY, WELL, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT? I COULD MAKE A HAT."

An attention hat.

"LIKE IT SAYS, YOU CAN GET A DEVICE FROM THE BAR. I CAN'T MAKE ANY PROMISES, THOUGH, THIS IS A BETA."

The man in the gray suit has heard about this kid from Hiro and Strong Bad, but this is the first time he's come directly to Michael's attention. And the claims the boy makes are even more impressive than the one Hiro mentioned, of having more or less coded Reality itself.

"The simplified version connects to other patrons' universes?" he asks. "Good Lord and butter, what features did you remove?"

"ALL THE TRANSTIMELINE STUFF AND THE OMNISCIENT VIEWPORTS. AND THE MEMO FUNCTION BECAUSE THAT HAS GOTTEN TO BE KIND OF A SORE SUBJECT."

Karkat, is eventually approached by what should be a familiar face by now. One that ruffles his hair on approach as she settles into the seat next to him. She comes, of course, bearing one of his little devices.

"These are pretty interesting. I'm surprised no one has thought of this before."

Karkat flails furiously, restoring his hair to its original pristine disaster. "MAYBE THEY JUST DIDN'T HAVE THE SUPERIOR TECHNOLOGICAL BASIS AND INTELLECT."

Cal reads the note on the bulletin board.

Then he reads it again.

. . . holy shit, how cool is that.

Hint: It is extra cool to someone who originally came into Milliways from 1997, ended up moving to a world where it's now 2008, and hasn't quite gotten over how omnipresent and incredibly useful the Internet became in that missed decade.

He doesn't even have to ask - Bar pops a device up along with his usual raktajino.

Because he hasn't yet spent a year in the twenty-first century (and his old world was a little behind the curve development-wise anyway), Cal's first impulse is to leave a note with the Bar to thank Karkat for his generosity, but then he realizes.

Duh.


americasRoyalty began trolling carcinoGeneticist

(He rolls his eyes at the screenname, saying dryly to the device, "Oh, so you have a sense of humor too, do you?" He hasn't got the hang of picking them out yet, though, so he leaves it for now.)

AR: Thank you for providing these. They should be very useful for alot of people.

CG: YEAH I'M A PRETTY AMAZING GUY
CG: ALWAYS HELPING
CG: PRETTY MUCH PROVERBIAL FOR IT

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Karkat looks up from his ~ath text and eyes him. "DO YOU MEAN WOULD IT WORK OR NOT OR DO YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO ATTEMPT TO GET TO GRIPS WITH THE SERVER ARCHITECTURE INVOLVED HERE?"

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